Wednesday night I had a meeting with the personnel committee of St Stoic. Without blogging too much unbloggable, let me just say that there was a lengthy discussion about this question:
"Where the heck is everybody?"
There is a perception that attendance in worship has dramatically dropped off since April. Now, please understand that many of those making this claim are retirees who are MIA from church for five months every winter (*cough* novembertoapril *cough*), but even so, there are some people on our rolls who only attend once a year and write one offering check, in order to stay on the rolls, which the session honors, regardless of the "responsibilites of members" our polity outlines. Plus, there are those who have left the church.
These are the reasons people give (when they will do so) for leaving/staying home from St Stoic, as I've compiled them over five years:
- Too busy with kids' sports on Sunday morning. (sadly, this is legit and not going to change)
- Sunday is our only day to be together as a family/sleep in. (9:30 is that early?)
- We go to grandma's house instead. (invite grandma)
- You have no youth group. (True.)
- Kids in church are too damn disruptive. They need to learn to be quiet. (um...too sad to answer)
- So-and-so snubbed me at the church fundraiser umpteen years ago. (grow up)
- Too many new people. Not like the old days... (we can only hope)
- Church is boring. (yes, from a grownup)
- The church just wants my money. (yes. except for the "just" part)
- I'm on the rolls so my grandkids can get married there for free. But religion is not important to me anymore. (guess what--your grandkids agree about religion)
- You don't sing the old songs anymore. (we use the standard hymnal)
- I put in my time when my kids were young. I need a break. ("kids" are my age)
- My family built that church. Don't you dare take my name off the roll! (too sad to respond)
- You don't display the candle sticks that belong to my family anymore. (um...except they are on the communion table every Sunday)
- When mother died I knew I was off the hook from church. (so this is how you celebrate your independance?)
As you can see, it is complicated. Reinventing programs, changing hymnals, adding guitars, worshipping on Saturday instead, projecting the liturgy on a screen, hiring a fancy youth director, none of these are the magic formula. I am convinced that the main reason people stay home is that they have become convinced that church is about them, not God. And the only thing the pastor can do is to continue to be about God. I can do no other.
25 comments:
Sounds very familiar ... especially those about my family gave ..!!
The Session at Stodgy Presbyterian does the same thing about keeping people on the rolls. C's and E's for the most part.
Wow. I've EVERY one of those reasons over my eleven years in ministry. Every one.
*sigh*
I am convinced that the main reason people stay home is that they have become convinced that church is about them, not God.
Sigh. Yes. As one who hears about people's musical "preferences" (all over the freakin' map) after worship every Sunday, I wonder how to deal with this often.
I've gotten the excuse about noisy kids, too. From a parent, with small children herself. Every excuse is so sad, because, as you say, they are making the church about them and not about God.
And a "successful" church isn't about how many butts are in the pews, either, because you know you aren't about entertainment.
Amen sister friend. Church has become a consumer product to the public. They come to church asking "what's in it for me." rather than asking "what does God want me to do."
Oh....my. yes. heard 'em all....and find it so unfortunate that folks think that church is all about what "I want" or "I need" and not community or GOD....
Sadly, I think your conclusion is right.
It does really annoy me when people say that church interferes with their "family time" Hello? Church together as a family?
How about hiring *A* youth director, fancy or otherwise?
Wish I could use this as a newslwtter artice -- it is so true!
I often walk around the house on Sunday afternoon humming "I'm not here for your entertainment"
Mark: two reasons. No money and no youth to speak of.
I wonder what the stats are for Jewish folks and temple attendance.
Seriously, candlestick display??
Do you think they have any concept of God at all? My suspicion is that my stay at homes (and some of my attenders) have never actually encountered God in worship or elsewhere...they come with minimal expectations, so the trivia become huge. So I tend to feel that absences are in some ways "my fault" because I've not enabled that encounter...
But here with no membership requirement/expectation,it's incredibly hard to track people down in any case...they just vanish...or, in some cases, appear.
I am preaching about baptism tomorrow, which sort of naturally fell into the "Why Church?" question (because we aren't allowed to do private baptisms - our liturgy includes a congregational commitment)
I don't want to hijack your comments with my thoughts on the "why church?" part, so maybe I'll post that bit tomorrow afternoon.
so true. And the finger-pointing from the anxious who remain is amazing. They keep coming back to the magical/mythical young family. Guess what - that family really isn't out there.
What is the church good for? How about joy? How about growing adults in their discipleship? How about attracting adults who want to serve, learn and praise?
Nah! that would mean I'd have to be here more than an hour on Sunday.
I have the same issues of sorts here. I guess we all do.
I get frustrated over the same stuff and the same excuses. Also, in the reasosn why we should and do (or don't)go to church.
I am gonna slap the lady who keeps telling me the only ones who should be elders or in office should be the ones whose families have been in the church for X years! Ugh.
My these sound familiar. Mind you in Canada anyone who is staying around for a cheaper wedding for their chlid/grandchild is barking up the wrong tree--simply because it is illegal.
Canadian tax law states quite clearly that if a fee is charged for a service (by a charitable organization) it is the same no matter what one's connection to the organization is.
And vew (very very few) UCCan congregations actually enforce anything about remaining active to be on the roll.
Yep, the modern church is all about ME ME ME and not GOD. And I totally think membership rolls should MEAN something. That is one reason why AG churches often have more attenders than members. I don't like everything we do (as you know) but I do agree that people should be members that are THERE, INVOLVED, and CARE. And you are right to contine to be about what it is about. Something drastic is going to occur before we "Christian" church folk wake up, I greatly fear.
SO's comment made me wonder if so-called praise music is also about ME ME ME in that it is often about how "I" feel about God and about a certain type of musical accompaniment, such as a praise band. But then, might not people have felt the same way about a fancy new big organ some time ago?
Praying for you this week...
(((((Cheese)))))
Outstanding and perceptive post, Cheese.
Thanks so much. I've heard many of these excuses before and your analysis of them is spot-on.
Thanks so much for this.
Cheesehead, I, too, received grief from Personnel Committee about declining worship attendence.
Several members are no longer physically able to attend, one has terminal cancer, one moved to another area, a couple families are busy attending sports events involving their children and grandchildren, two families camp every weekend for most of the summer, one is tending to an ailing sister in another state...so on and so forth. Unfortunately, they were convinced it was me. Indeed, I echo what you have said. We can do no other, but to be about God.
At some point a pastor has to turn any of these comments back on the speaker, IF, AND ONLY IF that pastor is good at diplomatic speaking. For example, Would you like to be on the worship committee to help plan the worship services for the next quarter? What specific things about the worship service might you want to change? How many people have you contacted about coming back to church? What was their response? How many new people have you invited? Would you be willing to co-chair the _____ (VBS, Youth night, etc.) Will you head up a visitation committee?
This might sound snarky, but I think that in the end, the lay people ARE the church and these ARE actually the work of the people of the congregation.
Perhaps a pastor who is plastered with these criticisms takes them personally, but if that pastor truly realizes that these are the people's jobs, then the pastor can react less personally and put the responsibility back where it belongs. The pastor is still the leader. The leader of the leaders.
HA, the word verification for this comment is fattambr.
Yes, I'm afraid I too have noticed that modern churches and their music are all ME ME ME... I was brought up in the C of E and have to admit that the beautiful old hymns and anthems speak alot more about the responsibilities of Christian living within society, rather than just how "I" am feeling... of course the individual must respond to God and communicate with Him, but from then on our focus should be OUTWARDS on others............
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